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Wednesday, September 30, 2009

Companionship and The "L" Word (and no, I'm not talking about the TV show)

Taking a little break from blogging about douchebags LOL. :-)

For a while I've been avoided blogging about this. One of the members of Concierge du Monde started a thread about the emotional part of companionship. He asked a very interesting question: "Would you keep seeing your companion, growing more attached, or would you stop seeing him altogether to avoid feelings of deeper attachment?" This is one of the unspoken things that both parties don't talk about. Maybe because it may not be an issue. If this isn't an issue for you, you're lucky. If you do happen to find yourself having romantic feelings for your companion, this is what I suggest you do to keep them at bay.

Keep busy with your own life and interests. Although you may feel a connection to your companion and consider him your friend, realize that you are not a couple in a real relationship. Aside from some flirtatious banter between emails, phone calls, and engagements, this is the extent of any ties with him. When your mind is preoccupied with other things, it doesn't give you mental space to dwell on missing him and checking on him to see what he's up to.

Date other men that are not companions. Keep your options open. Realize this man will never be your boyfriend or husband and you will NEVER have a relationship with him, other than being very expensive friends with benefits. There are plenty of fish in the sea. If you are after a committed, long-term relationship or even marriage in the future, hold out for a man who can give you these things that don't come with a price tag.

Pleasure is best when you know it's fleeting. Think of this man as "fun" and "temporary" and you will be okay. Know that you have to share him with other women because this is what he does to earn his livelihood. He is a pro who is good at what he does and you don't want to feel like you're trying to stop him from doing what he wants. You may feel jealous of this fact, but all you can do is try to ignore it.

Focus on the precious time you will spend with him and forget about everyone else (unless you're not the jealous type, then good for you). Know that a companion is not the type of man to settle down, at least not with you, and don't entertain fantasies about it AT ALL. If you do, ask yourself why you're thinking these things. If this is what you really want, don't hire a companion and try to find a regular guy through a professional dating service or some other means.

It's hard if you feel a genuine connection, attraction, and chemistry with your companion when you meet him, and you like each other, but once you can get past all this, you've got it made. Obviously, if you're already in a relationship, this is a no-brainer for you, or again, like I said, maybe it's not even an issue. We are only human and not machines without feelings. There are some things that may be beyond your control, no matter how hard you try to hide it or suppress it. You must suppress it, though, if only for your own sanity and peace of mind.

If more regular men were like companions, if there weren't so many douchebags like the ones I've written about, then there would be no need to hire real gentlemen to entertain us. For me, I would keep seeing my companion because it's a lot of fun, plus it's nice to find someone who I can see that represents the ideal qualities I would be looking for in a potential boyfriend once I finally settled down with one. It's a safe way to explore fantasies without fear of judgment, being able to go to places and do things that regular men may balk at, and being in control of your needs and desires with no strings, which is exactly the reason male companions are available. It's a matter of convenience. I know that sounds cold, but when I need him, he's there, and when I don't, then he's not.

Remember, you are always in control and you decide what the extent of your friendship will be with this man for as long as you wish.